I never in a million years would have thought that this man, this man I shared my soul with, my heart, my mind my body .; could ever be so deceitful, so heartless, so selfish, so inconsiderate, so fraudulent. good enough to play the best ; tricked me into believing not only did he & would love me forever but that he would be a man & take care of not only me but my heart & the family we would create. I believed it all. I fell for all the lies, I believed all those late nights out were spent with friends & that he couldn’t wait to get back to hold me in his arms, to protect me. that the vows we took ; were true. but he made a mockery of me, a sham of marriage, of my beliefs of my character of me as a person. I couldn’t believe it. hearing from men that he’d been with them while being with me sickens me. to be afraid that your husband or the man your with may cheat on you with a woman is one thing ; but to find out that all along he’d been cheating on you with a man is completely terrifying. sickening , terrible. to come to the realization that the reason his friend would call every morning when you guys woke up was not to go smoke or play videogames but to get it in ; his insane. to read messages from a man telling him he misses making him cum is heartbrealing. & what is even worse is that ; he can go around pretending as if nothing happens being in all types of womens faces acting as if he means well. & he’s straight , when in fact he may have sucked dick right before coming there ; I don’t think I’ll ever understand it. I just know I’ve been changed forever, & people like him are called predators & that shit is dangerous. & no matter what , I’ll make sure to it that I preach to other women because apparently being on the DL isn’t a very uncommon thing. & its sickening. ; if you want to be gay be gay but don’t be fucking selfish my bring someone into your world of deceit. smfh
SPREAD THE WORLD.

Timestamp: 1338754500

I never in a million years would have thought that this man, this man I shared my soul with, my heart, my mind my body .; could ever be so deceitful, so heartless, so selfish, so inconsiderate, so fraudulent. good enough to play the best ; tricked me into believing not only did he & would love me forever but that he would be a man & take care of not only me but my heart & the family we would create. I believed it all. I fell for all the lies, I believed all those late nights out were spent with friends & that he couldn’t wait to get back to hold me in his arms, to protect me. that the vows we took ; were true. but he made a mockery of me, a sham of marriage, of my beliefs of my character of me as a person. I couldn’t believe it. hearing from men that he’d been with them while being with me sickens me. to be afraid that your husband or the man your with may cheat on you with a woman is one thing ; but to find out that all along he’d been cheating on you with a man is completely terrifying. sickening , terrible. to come to the realization that the reason his friend would call every morning when you guys woke up was not to go smoke or play videogames but to get it in ; his insane. to read messages from a man telling him he misses making him cum is heartbrealing. & what is even worse is that ; he can go around pretending as if nothing happens being in all types of womens faces acting as if he means well. & he’s straight , when in fact he may have sucked dick right before coming there ; I don’t think I’ll ever understand it. I just know I’ve been changed forever, & people like him are called predators & that shit is dangerous. & no matter what , I’ll make sure to it that I preach to other women because apparently being on the DL isn’t a very uncommon thing. & its sickening. ; if you want to be gay be gay but don’t be fucking selfish my bring someone into your world of deceit. smfh
SPREAD THE WORLD.

I want to sell my wedding ring but I don’t want the next woman who wears it to get the bad mojo that was placed on mine. I don’t think that’s fair but I don’t want it anymore, I have no use for it. I dont want to remember any lies, any of the falsehood that my was thrown upon my life when I placed that ring on my finger & took those vows under false beliefs. I don’t want to be asked about previously being married, I don’t even want to remember that person exists. If I could blink my eyes & he didn’t exist my life would not be phased. I’m trying to sell everything that reminds me of him in that fake home we built. too much bad mojo ; I’ll never be the same, every man that I ever encounter I’m going to wonder what his secret could be. If possibly he’d slept with a man before coming home that night , if his nightly videogame nights were in fact sex w men instead. I’ll never be able to let another man look at me or even touch me the same again ; & that’s unfair. but I vow to be more successful & even stronger because of the amount of deceit I have encountered. It sucks but I will be okay, & once this divorce is over & I gain my belongings & what I deserve back .; I will fully be able to move on, but I am taking it day by day. I have my days where I’m really pissed & I want nothing more but for him to be dead in the ground 6ft under with one of his ass buddies with him. ; & there’s other days I have compassion because it sucks he can’t be who he really is, & had to be such a fraud & all these other people.have to suffer due to his lack of consideration but I have to offer that up to the Lord. Eventually he will be found out.

the moment you realize the person you’ve been with & have fallen in love with is a complete fraud .; & lives a totally double life, & doesn’t even like woman. when you realize you were getting dicked down by a man who was getting dicked down. when you talk to a guy he was talking to while he was with you. & then he tries to act as though nothing happened & your the one who’s nuts, ha. how things change. six months ago I was a happily married wife or so I though. because I believed I had an honest relationship & a heterosexual husband. ; I guess I shouldve listened to you anonymous tumblr people about him being on the DL. you guys were absolutely right. & it took me almost 2 1/2 years to realize, that fucking sucks.bro. I’m surprised I’m not in fucking prison, I may very well be though but o know this trial will be completely in my favor. Smh , the things people hide. how could I let this fraud ass nigga in my life for so long & not know. its fucking crazyyy, & I keep telling myself vengeance is not mine & that his actions do not reflect who I am as a person but damn nigga. really? like that. & the whole truth comes out niggas from everywhere flocking to tell me about there encounters, sucking dicks & watching dragon ball z. going on long trips smoking weed, sending pictures & making videos ; I’m fucking done bro. the jig is fucking up, time to play hard ball. I’m really not the one.

I haven’t been to church in like a year. I really need to get to that place & let my soul feel something positive. this military life is something stressful, I tell you. I really wish I could fly to California or Atlanta, or something & go to church. I love Dr. Stanley & I definitely miss Rev. Starr ; I need some soul healing word, something to let me know the Lord is still here, although I know he is. & he’s never left me… it’s just good to hear. I have to find a good church at my next duty section. It’s imperative, especially being a wife, it’s going to be VERY stressful. I know I have an amazing support group; but things are so different now. especially, being like so close to being married. I don’t really know who I can confide in now besides him. I need more positive people. I hope my next duty station has better people than this place, that I’m at right now. because, I feel like I’m going to kill someone here.! 

sigh.

shouldn’t you be allowed to marry who you love.?
what happened to ALL you need is love;  

today my mom told me she saw me married with children ;

its funny, cause’ I used to always tell her I’d never get married. then , she talks about me & my boyfriend being married in our pickup truck . it’s really funny . I’m glad I have that relationship with her.