I haven’t been to church in like a year. I really need to get to that place & let my soul feel something positive. this military life is something stressful, I tell you. I really wish I could fly to California or Atlanta, or something & go to church. I love Dr. Stanley & I definitely miss Rev. Starr ; I need some soul healing word, something to let me know the Lord is still here, although I know he is. & he’s never left me… it’s just good to hear. I have to find a good church at my next duty section. It’s imperative, especially being a wife, it’s going to be VERY stressful. I know I have an amazing support group; but things are so different now. especially, being like so close to being married. I don’t really know who I can confide in now besides him. I need more positive people. I hope my next duty station has better people than this place, that I’m at right now. because, I feel like I’m going to kill someone here.! 

sigh.

I’m not really sure what I do to deserve some of the treatment I receive ; but I’ve decided that it must be to make me a better person. tomorrow, I am going to church to give my thanks to God. it’s been long enough ; I’m excited to be back around people whom share the same values as myself. I get lost in this world sometimes… but I like the prodigal son will always return home. ; goodnight loves.

& then , I remember God is real & on my side. 

I need to be more active in my relationship with him; I check on everyone besides him & he’s the person keeping me alive. I’ve got to do better, if he was a boyfriend … we would be so broken up right now. I mean like I never call… smh, but he knows my heart & knows my soul .; I’m glad his love is unconditional, blessed am I. 

; I need to find an amazing church home ; I think I am missing God in my life … I keep wanting things to happen & wondering why they aren’t happening the way I want them to & I do believe it is because, I’m not right with Christ. now, I will rant to anyone about the love of the Lord. I am a believer. I don’t consider myself extremely religious , I’m probably more spiritual but I feel the need to go to church & I’ve never felt that . I think it’s just about that time. I’ve been straying away from what I know way too long & it’s time for me to come back. I feel like the prodigal son , well, daughter in this case… but yes, I HAVE to go to church Sunday morning. I just know its going to make my life better. I need that ; to keep me grounded. I love the Lord, for he has heard my cry. I need to pray more often too. I never do that. I haven’t really prayed in years. sheesh ; I’ve got to do better. I’m going to go to church Sunday even if I have to go alone. -_-

#thatisALL. 

; I don’t think I can stress enough how territorial I am ; I’m surprised God didn’t make me a dog. but then again , I can be a bitch sometimes. I really do believe in what’s yours being yours ; & I hate thieves…terribly, if you steal, you’ll lie & if you lie, you’ll kill & if you kill ; who knows what else your capable of. I believe in loyalty, once something is mine , if can’t be yours … unless, I give it to you. 

Everything in life happens for a reason.; some of the things we go through can be prevented. ; but fate will always rise above. I do believe in fate, but I also strongly believe that you determine your own fate . ; like if God wants you to become something you aren’t going to tread to far from that . you might diddle in a lot of the wrong places but you will always find your way back home. just like the story of the prodigal son ; he always came back home. anywho , I’m rambling. but like I was saying everything happens for a reason … although , a lot of things can be prevented ; they happened to teach you something. don’t forget to take notice & appreciate the lessons life gives you , it can help you in the challenges your going to face ahead of you. 

; Good Afternoon, 

…so, I’ve been back home for a couple days now ; & I’ve had lots of time to think & make some realizations. I’ve realized that I gripe a lot over small things & I really shouldn’t sweat those things. I’m very hard on myself. ; I could be doing much worse than I am right now. I always want things to come when I want them to come & I’m working on becoming copasetic with being on God’s time. RIGHT NOW, may not be what I need right now; there’s obviously something I still have to learn here. & in my yearning to be out , I’m overlooking it. so, in the last couple months that I have left in this state, I am going to look at the positives. I’m near family, friends, I have amazing boyfriend. I’m safe, healthy & on my way to making major moves. God has placed me here for a reason ; so, I have to make my mark. i’m always preaching on changing the world through myself … so, I suppose this is my chance. maybe, he put me here to change here. change myself ; mature & help others see things in a different perspective while they help me. I know I was meant to do something… so, while I’m here ; i’m going to try & figure that out . I honestly don’t have that much longer, July will be here in no time.

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